Reasons to Smile

Problems and challenges that come our way are spices of life. Without all the batshit crazy things going on in our lives, we won’t be able to appreciate the good days as much as we do. On Jan 14, I came to a decision to resign and come back home for good. I wouldn’t say it was just a spur-of-the-moment kind of decision. The idea has been lingering since August last year. Yeah, not for long but it has always been an option. There were things holding me back, for example the horrible traffic in Manila. Lol. I just came back to the team and actively participated in races again last September and I wanted to be part of their journey, be able to travel more to places I dreamed to visit, buy my bike, but I don’t know. Jan 14 had something that really pushed me to write that resignation letter and just suck up the decision. I know why. I’m an open book but this one reason I felt like keeping for myself.

If you watched HIMYM, you would know the “graduation goggles”. The episode was about Marshall deciding to leave the company he hated so much but stayed only because it financially supported them, opposite to what he aspires to become, hated his workmates for their unnecessary jokes and had lesser time being with Lily, his wife for reasons he wasn’t really fond of in the first place. But then when he decided to leave the company, everything was magically worked out… the job seemed fine, the workmate started to become funny. Robin said it was similar to graduation goggles, wherein you hated being at school and couldn’t wait to graduate and yet after graduation, you get this feeling of missing everyone and everything even if you wanted to get rid of them for a long time. It happens. (Just a fun fact, that’s why I love HIMYM. Every episode gives you a life lesson takeaway and everything seems applicable in your own life.) I didn’t hate my job, it was easy to learn, and I guess in the end it all boils down to my lack of satisfaction. It’s not anyone’s fault but my own head saying I could do better things. But it’s actually quite a good thing.

The things I learned in this experience is we don’t need to rush to decisions, or wait for a date to come home for good to actually do the things you want to do. I could’ve spiced up my life before that day with the things I did after my resignation and not just with problems because obviously I’ve had enough of them. When I resigned, I felt like I had a list of things to do and needed to accomplish before I come home. We’re down to 3 more days before my departure and yes, I am happy to say that I was able to do each of them and be with the people I’d spend my time with in a heartbeat. I found myself fulfilled and happy. If medals make you happy, get it. If you want to spend time with friends at the expense of one missed training, do it. If you want to see someone, no matter how much they hurt you, see them. If you want to kiss the person who means a lot to you, kiss them.

Don’t wait for someone to be gone from this world before you reminisce the good days and appreciate. Appreciate while you still can. Forgive and forget as many times as possible. It’s already a given fact that this life is not easy and saying it over and over again doesn’t make it easier, but you will never run out of reasons to smile.